When Farts Had Colors (Mark Lawton Thomas)

Alphonso Orr Elementary School fourth-grader Lance Chance is a regular victim of the class bully, Merry Maddox, and her cohorts in crime, Fred and Ted, The Crazy M&Ms.

It's bad enough that she steals his pepperoni cheese with garlic sauce sandwiches (his absolute favorite in the whole world), she blames him for the sandwich-flavored noxious cloud she releases in the back of the class.

To make matters worse, she punctuates it with three heat-seeking "escapees" (SBDs), flooding the room with "a tsunami of unimaginable funk" (as author Mark Thomas describes it).

The ensuing pandemonium results in five kids losing their breakfast and homeroom teacher Mr. Rubio fainting dead away. And then, Merry pulls the fire alarm. "Fart-u-Lance! Fart-u-Lance! Fart-u-Lance!" The cry is taken up by all the students amassed on the lawn. It's a disaster for innocent Lance.

Thank God for the wish kiss his mom had given him when she sent him off to school. Wishing that farts have colors results in farts ... well, having colors. Purple (for royalty). Yellow (embarrassment). Gold (money). Green (jealousy). It gives him an idea. A wonderful idea on how to exact sweet revenge.

This is an amusing little book. Personally, I don't think it's worth the paperback price, or even the ebook price, but it was an amusing read. I suppose parents would enjoy reading it with their kids, especially the parting advice Merry Maddox gives about bullies.

Author Mark Thomas is a sixth-grade language teacher in Atlanta.

When Farts Had Colors (2011)

Mark Lawton Thomas

Peak City Publishing ($7.99 paperback, $2.99 ebook)

ISBN-13: 978-193571100